New to BDSM

If you are just taking your first steps in BDSM, or if your are considering trying some new activities, maybe you are a little unsure about which interests to try and whether they would suit you.

It might be helpful to think about:

• what attracts you to BDSM,
• how you see/might see your relationship to your Domme,
• how the activities you are thinking about match up with your motivations for BDSM

There are many different types of activity to choose from in BDSM. Their appeal, and the way you respond to them, may differ greatly due to the nature of the activity.

In activities such as impact play, the Domme has a very direct role in creating stimulus or pain. The Domme may impact you with a hand, in spanking or face slapping, or with an implement such as a cane in CP. This direct nature of the Domme’s role may lend itself to punishment scenarios, but also may give you a very intimate response to the activity.

Alternatively, in electro torture, breath play via a gas mask, or other similar activities, the Domme has a more indirect input to the creation of pain. The Domme will set up the situation, vary the level of stimulus according to your responses, but may not in interact with you directly when pain is inflicted. The Domme may appear as more of a moderator to you, challenging you and pushing your limits but also protecting you. If being cared for as a sub is very important to you, this type of play may have a special appeal.

Another consideration is whether you want to try interests that give immediate relief following pain, or those that leave lasting pain. Most pain is sharpest at the time it arises. But heavy Impact play or needle play, for example, may leave marks that take days or weeks to heal fully. These can help to remind the sub of the Domme in the time between sessions, helping to build a strong relationship between the sub and Domme.

On the other hand, while electro torture can produce very intense pain at the time of giving, it should not leave any lasting effect. Maybe immediate relief from pain when the stimulus is removed better suits your pain preferences and tolerance, especially if you are new to BDSM and unsure of how you will respond to pain.

Of course, you must always check which activities your Domme is interested in and what your Domme’s limits are. These are usually clearly displayed on the Domme’s website. The alignment of interests of the Domme and sub is a very important factor to consider if you are deciding whether to see a Domme for the first time. You don’t need to like all of the Domme’s interests, but you should never expect the Domme to modify Their interests and limits to meet your expectations! Researching the website is invaluable before contacting the a Domme for the first time.

Written by BumPup 2019 – Loyal Pack Member